In the Bible, marriage and having children are viewed as blessings from God, but they are not requirements for everyone. Marriage is an institution ordained by God with the first one carried out by God in the garden of Eden between Adam and Eve. This is where we got understanding of marriage from.
And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:22-24
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What is the Purpose of Marriage?
Let’s start by exploring some reasons why marriage was instituted by God in the first place.
- Companionship: God recognized that it was not good for man to be alone, and created woman as a companion and helper for Adam. (Genesis 2:18)
- Procreation: One of the main purposes of marriage is to provide a stable environment for raising children. God commanded Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply, filling the earth with their offspring. (Genesis 1:28)
- Unity: Marriage provides a way for two people to become one flesh, creating a deep bond of intimacy and unity. (Genesis 2:24)
- Holiness: Marriage is also a means for couples to grow in holiness and become more like Christ. It provides an opportunity for spouses to serve and sacrifice for one another, reflecting the selfless love of Christ for His Church. (Ephesians 5:22-33)
The Apostle Paul, writing to the Corinthians addressed the issue of marriage. In 1 Corinthians 7:7-9 he said he wished everyone could remain unmarried as he is, but acknowledged that some people are called to marriage, while others are called to singleness. So this gives us a clear answer to the question and takes away any doubt that marriage may not be a mandatory choice for everyone.
Also in Matthew 19:10-12, Jesus addressed the same topic, that there are some who are eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven, indicating that there are those who may choose to forego marriage and children for the sake of serving God.
Why people might choose not to marry.
- Personal preference: Some people may simply prefer to live a single life. They might enjoy the independence, freedom, and flexibility that comes with not being married.
- Career goals: Pursuing a demanding career can be challenging while also trying to maintain a marriage and family. For some people, their career is their top priority, and they may feel that they cannot give their spouse and children the time and attention they deserve while also pursuing their professional ambitions.
- Past trauma: People who have experienced trauma or abuse in past relationships may choose to remain single as a way to protect themselves from further emotional pain or harm.
- Serving God: Some people feel called to singleness as a way to devote more time and energy to serving God and His Kingdom.
But He said to them, “All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given: For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother’s womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He who is able to accept it, let him accept it.” Matthew 19:11-12 NKJV
Other reasons people might choose not to marry
While there are valid reasons why some people choose not to marry, there are also other reasons that the Bible did not approve of as valid. Here are some examples of those reasons.
Fear of commitment: Some people may avoid marriage because they are afraid of making a long-term commitment or because they fear being trapped in a relationship. This fear can stem from past experiences or cultural expectations.
Selfishness: Some people may choose not to marry because they prioritize their own needs and desires over those of a spouse or family. This can lead to a lack of intimacy, emotional distance, and isolation.
Financial concerns: Some people may avoid marriage because they worry about the financial burden of supporting a spouse or family. They may fear losing their financial independence or being burdened by their partner’s debts.
Fear of divorce: Some people may avoid marriage because they fear the possibility of divorce and the associated emotional and financial costs. This fear can be exacerbated by cultural messages that emphasize the risks of marriage.
While divorce is a real possibility in any marriage, it is important to remember that many marriages are successful and bring great joy and fulfillment. Building a strong foundation of communication, respect, and commitment can help to reduce the likelihood of divorce.
These fears and concerns can be addressed with prayer and the right counselling to build healthy relationships, so as to create fulfilling and meaningful lives. Marriage is not mandatory but singleness for the wrong reasons almost always leave a sense of emptiness and lack of accomplishment.
Jesus was asked the question about marriage and divorce in Matthew 19. His answers led to Him talking about eunuchs (in context meaning men who choose not to marry). Some were born that way, some were made so by men and others by choice in order to serve a purpose.
Examples of people who were never married in the Bible
- Jesus Christ: Jesus Christ was never married. He dedicated His life to serving God and His people. Jesus ministry and purpose did not give reason for marriage.
- Paul the Apostle: Paul was never married. In his letters, he wrote about the advantages of being single and devoted his life to spreading the Gospel. Paul’s life and ministry would have been difficult for any family to handle. He chose to dedicate all of his life to serving God rather than been “burdened” with the responsibility of marriage.
- John the Baptist: John the Baptist, who prepared the way for Jesus’ ministry, also was never married. He dedicated himself to preaching and baptizing. Another example of how a devotion to God and his work may have made it difficult to fulfill the responsibility of having a family of your own.
- Jeremiah the Prophet: The prophet Jeremiah is another example of someone who never married. (Jeremiah 16:1-9). God told him not to marry. He devoted his life to prophesying and warning the people of Israel about the consequences of their disobedience.
- Anna the Prophetess: In the New Testament (Luke 2:36-38), Anna is described as a prophetess who lived in the temple and dedicated her life to worshiping God. She was married for seven years and chose not to re-marry after her husband died. She dedicated the rest of her life to fasting and praying in the temple. She was in the temple when Mary and Joseph brough baby Jesus to the temple to be dedicated.
While it is okay to choose not to marry, the Bible discourages sexual immorality. Marriage is God’s design when it come to a man and a woman expressing their affection and commitment to one another. A man or woman is to marry if he or she cannot exercise self control.
1 Corinthians 7:9 but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 1 Corinthians 7:2-3
The Bible teaches that everyone has a unique purpose and calling from God, and this can look different for each person. Some may be called to serve in ministry, others may be called to focus on their career or other pursuits, while still others may be called to start a family. Ultimately, it is up to each individual to discern their own calling and seek God’s guidance in their decision-making.
Marriage is a sacred covenant between a man and a woman that reflects the beauty and design of God’s plan for humanity.
While marriage and having children are considered blessings from God, they are not mandatory for everyone. Each person has a unique calling from God, and it is important to seek His guidance in discerning the best path forward.
